Suicide

Reaching out to you
my arms outstretched.
Because what I have to say
It is truly for the best

"Please stop"
"You don't need to do this alone"

You are too far away.

With clouds in your eyes
You whisper back,
"I'm so sorry baby girl..
but its strength I lack."

These words
repeating themselves..
Over and over and over again..

Not for the sake of thou
you continue
to beat your brow.

This sickness so pure
I must ask,
"What is the allure?"

I lay still..
wanting to say goodbye
but instead watch
this horrifying script
play out before my eyes.

The ending aleady known..

My beautiful mother..

Destroying her own throne.

Falling Over Myself (one of many dedicated to Tommy Becktold)

Dazed and confused
Why must you
Make me feel so used..

I watch as your ass
walks out that door..
Here i am again
face plant to the floor

Once more
Writhing..
on the floor.
Falling over myself

Wanting.. Wishing.. Believing..
You will come back
Why is it that with you
Strength I lack..

Is it the smell of your skin
The feel of your touch
Who am I kidding?
All said..you ain't much

The fairy tale
we live in
If i stay..
you will win..

My heart..
My soul..
My reality..

Transparent..

As I continue
to fall over myself

Untitled

Falling up..
Rising down..
The pain felt
is more than profound.

Screaming out...
Breathing in..
I must catch my breath...

Whichever way must I go?
This I ask..
but I already know..............

So I go......
but not
with the flow.

I fight this current...
these wretched waves..
which enslave me...
and all I gave...

Screaming out..
Breathing in..
I must catch my breath..

So I see..
what it is
that I need to be..

Ripping..
tearing..
Beating..
Overtaking..
my physical...

I must continue..
My soul must go on...
For I am not...
Some worldly pawn.

It is coming..
White Light..
I see it..feel it..
I no longer fight..

For now..

I understand..

my direction..

my purpose..

I embrace the sudden warmth..
The sense of belong.
.and wonder..
how could I have been so wrong..

To know that
that in which held me down
Was no stranger..
but that in which
my mind found..

Rising up..
Falling down..
This beauty discovered
is quite profound..

Broken Highway

Feeling insane...
a fallen angel
sitting in the rain
alone and broken
always insane...
a lone broken highway
drenched with pain..

You're Darkness

Who would have known
For so long,
This guilt for you
I held on to..
all for you.

This ego you have become
I bravely fight..
but must run from.

Sad but true
my bruises...
even if few..
come from you.

Once my light,
You're darkness I
must fight...

People say"Remember the good times"
Truth be known..
They would be anything but fine..

As the secrets
That you keep
Would make any
and all...weep.

What they see
and think..
What hides in you're darkness
Contradict and create
a sloppy mess.

Capturing the beauty
We once had..
Gives me hope..
Makes me less sad.

It allows the strength I hide..
That you have kept hidden
from the outside..

Step up..To fight
and save, not your ego
but the sacred and right.